Time for a random rant full of cursing and rainbows. Oh joy...

Topic: Teenage authors who suck.

Teenage authors. Good? Bad? Bad. 95% percent of teenage authors suck. That's all there is to it. Everywhere you look, there's no escaping the wrath of terrible writing from illiterate teenagers who couldn't write a letter to Santa Claus without making it sound stupid as all hell. Who, though, is to blame for this blasphemy? No one in particular, actually, but if anyone must be blamed...
Stephanie Meyer for starters. This terrible bitch has ruined the mind of teenagers everywhere. Her narration which could only be described as BLEH has officially given the green light to stupid teenage girls and boys to run to their frilly little laptops and type up whatever dumb shit comes to mind. This bitch and everything she's written needs to die. Now.

Second, parents. Not all parents, mind you. But most. Why? Because parents bullshit their children. No matter how terrible their little snots's writing is they still tell them "Oh, it's great honey! You should be an author!", and all that lying crap. Parents, listen, if your kid shows you some of their writing, and it sucks, like REALLY sucks, tell them so. Sure they'll be heartbroken and torn to shreds inside, but at least that'll eliminate the threat of yet another illiterate author to spread their waves of terror through ink upon humanity.

Now, the next question, why does such writing suck? What makes it bad? There's a checklist for those things, believe it or not. The checklist goes something like this:
THINGS TO MONITOR WHILE WRITING A NOVEL, SHORT STORY, ECT:
Originality
Character models
Character development
Originality
Plot development
Sensory detail
Dialogue
Spelling
Grammar
ORIGINALITY!
Obviously, people have a few things to look out for when writing a story of any kind.
Ignoring a few obvious things on the list, I'd like to skip to a few main points: Character models, spelling/grammar, and ORIGINALITY!!!

First, character models. Now, we all know that when writing a story, a 'good' main character is important. But how should this character be designed? How should they be presented? What is their personality like? All good questions, but it'd be better to ignore them for now and focus on a few rules and/or important notes:
1. PERFECT CHARACTERS SUCK! He who is perfect is he who is annoying as hell and shall be murdered. No one is perfect, in any way shape or form, therefore, characters who seem perfect in any way are unrealistic and stupid. As well are they annoying and only piss people off(both the readers and the characters around them).
2. Anti-heroes. Anti-heroes are nice and all, but they are NOT always the best choice for a story's hero. A tragic past, dead family members, all good and well, but old. Very old. Like, SPIDER-MAN OLD! Use them every once in a while them leave them alone! And if you have to have an anti-hero for whatever reason, try to stay as far away from there past as possible on a normal occasion. Sure you can mention it now and again, but if they have the 'my parents are dead, I want vengeance' origins(which are horribly cliche, by the way), then just shut up and leave them be.

Next, spelling and grammar. Now, this may seem obvious, but apparently years upon years in school have not taught these kids well. I know public education isn't all that great these days, but really, there's a common rule that needs to be followed when writing: CHECK YOUR SPELLING AND GRAMMAR! This is ESSENTIAL! Sure a few mistakes with a bad capital or uncalled-for word is bound to show up sooner or later, but if you seriously think the phrase 'self-esteem' is actually 'self-of-steam', then you have a serious problem. Go back to second fucking grade and read a fucking book. You'll thank yourself later for doing so.

And last, yet most important thing to look out for when writing: ORIGINALITY!!! Originality is the most important thing to have! How do people not know this!? I can't believe some people actually think copying down the plot to a show made in the 1980's and calling it your own is actually okay!
"Say what's your story about Justin?"
"It's about this guy named Pedro Barker who gets bit by a beetle and then gets all the abilities of that insect."
"Wow, that's a really good idea!"
"Really?"
"Sure. At least, it was back in the 80's when it was called SPIDER-MAN you copy-catting PRICK!"
And I swear to all that is holy that if I see one more crappy story written by a teenage girl about some prissy little princess falling in love with a vampire, I'm going to hang myself. That idea was good back in... actually, I don't remember when a teenage girl falling in love with a vampire was ever a good idea, do you reader? Nonetheless, such a plot is a bad idea, especially when coming from the mind of a teenage, panty-wetting, drools-over-a-sparkling-douchebag, little girl!

In conclusion, I seriously believe all teens should have to be awarded a license that gives them the right to write stories and such. Those who are awarded this license are to be on the writing level of J.K. Rowling or higher. Those who are anywhere below that level will have their hands removed if they even attempt to write a story of any kind under any circumstances. This shall also apply to all children from birth.

Phew... Officially done with rant... God, that was exhausting... And to think that no one will even read this... Ha ha, I'm hopeless... But, if anyone does manage to get this far while reading(if any readers of this entry do exist), be aware that I'm a bit disoriented after sleeping for three hours and then getting a head injury. All rational though has been thrown straight down the fucking tube. With all that said and done, goodnight/morning, and godspeed.